What have I learned this past month?

This past month, I have learned to trust God even more. As most of you know, a month ago on November 8, I went to the hospital with a terrible pain on my abdomen. Not knowing that I was pregnant or that I will eventually have a miscarriage. In the months before this happened, I had decided to no longer avoid getting pregnant. I wanted another child. But I will still a little scared. Scared of what?

I know that I should not be scared. God is with me. He will not let anything bad happen to me. My two children were born by cesarian. I have heard that you only are able to have three children by cesarian. I think I waited to long to decide, I should get pregnant again. Plus I did not consult a doctor before to make sure I was ready to get pregnant again.

It was a great joy for me when I was told I was pregnant again. But that joy lasted a few days. In the hospital, I was told that I might have an ectopic pregnancy or perhaps I had a miscarriage but they needed to further evaluate me to determine either diagnosis. I was faced again with fear.

When I was in the hospital waiting to get results from the blood test and ultrasound, I prayed. I asked God to help me. "Lord you have blessed me with this child, I pray that your will be done and not mine."

I was told of the possible treatments if indeed it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was now faced with making a decision. I reached a very weak moment in my life. What should I do? "Lord I need your help!" I called the Priest from my parish and he prayed with me and told me God was with me and whatever I decide, he was sure that God will be okay with my decision.

I made my decision, but God had other plans. When the doctor in charge came to speak to me, he made me change my mind. He wanted to be sure that the baby was indeed in the tubes before we made any drastic decisions. The doctor told me to go home and wait a few days for more tests. As the days went by I prayed even more. "Lord let your will be done."

As the days went by and more tests were done, we finally knew that I had a miscarriage. The pregnancy was not able to continue. Only God know why? In a way I was relieved that this happened in a natural way. I did not caused it. But I was also sadned. I had lost a child. Even though, I do not know what the gender was, it was a child. From the moment of conception it was a gift from God, that he decided to take back.

So what are my feelings now? I have hope. I have hope that God will reward me with something good. I know that his plans are for my good. I have learned to trust in him in all times. Not to fear. If he decides in the future to bless us with another child, I will not fear. I know that God will make everything possible for me to conceive and give birth to a child. I no longer say a "healthy child". Yes, we should want a healthy child, but what if we have a child with down syndrome? We will love him or her the same. No matter what his condition is, he is still a gift from God. All children are gifts from God.

I recently saw a testimoy of a man that was born with a problem in his brain, his hands are crooked and he has problems speaking. In spite of his discapacity, he is able to drive a taxi to earn money to sustain his family. He is married and has a daughter. If his parents had given up on him, he will be probably not had been able to do the things he does now. His older brother gave him massage therapy when he was a child. His brother encourages people to do this massage exercises with their children with dissabilities. The man's mother says she never gave up, she had faith that God will help her. This man's story helped me to see how marvelous are the works of God. God can use anyone, even people with dissabilities for his marvelous works. People who meet Salvador, the man with the dissbility, speak of how much this man has helped them.

"Lord thank you for your love and mercy on me." I thank God for the great things he has blessed me. He has used this situation in my life to help me grow stronger in faith and trust in Him. "Lord I will continue to trust in you." Thank you for your prayers and comments.