I wrote a letter to my father Guillermo, last year in November. I sealed it in an envelope and placed it in a drawer. My intention was to give it to him personally. I forgot all about the letter when I went to see him a few weeks ago before he died.
Today I remembered the letter. Took it out of the drawer and read it.
In the letter, I expressed to my father that I had forgiven him for being an estranged father for many years. I needed his presence in my life, but God always found a way to fill that emptiness in my heart that my father could not fill.
I acknowledged the fact that my father Guillermo had grown up without a father figure in his life, therefore he was not able to be there for his own daughters. My paternal grandfather abandoned his wife and children and never returned. My paternal grandmother had to raise her four children all on her own. The children suffer bulling from other children in their neighborhood and other close relatives.
Those children grew up and made families of their own. Years later a letter came to my father's sister. The letter was from a man claiming to be her father. Indeed the man was their father and was living in another state of Mexico. My aunt and uncle were the only ones to go meet him and renewed a relationship with their father.
Not my father Guillermo. He was so full of anger and resentment towards his father. As well as my other aunt. They both never got to meet their father. I did.
I asked my step-father to take me to that town where my paternal grandfather lived to meet him. I'm thankful to God and Dad (step-father) for being able to meet my paternal grandfather. I have pictures of this unforgettable moment.
Likewise my paternal grandfather grew up without a father in his life. And the story got repeated in the life of my father and in my life. However, this cycle needed to end. God showed mercy on my sister and I and sent us a wonderful Dad (step-father). A man who has done so much for us all. For that reason we call him Dad.
As for our biological father. God allowed us to meet him again after 21 years. We saw him in the last days of his life. We saw a man that was very old and frail due to his terminal illness. I saw my father Guillermo weep of sadness. He was sad that we had to see him dying. Vulnerable in his death bed. I saw a man that was concerned not for his own life, but for that one girl he had grown to love over the years as a grand-daughter. The one girl that will take him into her home and care for him when he had been drinking for days and ended up on the streets abandoned.
"What will happen to her", he asked us. I told him not to worry. God will send another person to her life that will care for her. "You have done all that you were able to do for her, do not worry, God will take care of her.", I reassured him.
I'm thankful to God for the blessings in my father's life just before he died. He met his grandchildren. He got to see people he had not seen in years. Cousins, uncles, nephews, sisters and brother.
He was able to talk to a Priest and receive the Sacrament of the Sick (Annointing). An uncle brought a Pastor friend also, and I prayed with them. I know God was with us. He will not abandon us.
My father Guillermo died November 21, at 9:05 AM . A year before, on November 16, 2011, I wrote a letter that didn't get sent, but I was able to express some of the words in my phone calls and he was able to see me again and now that I was there, praying and holding his hand, his last four days.
Rest in peace father Guillermo. May the Lord Jesus receive you in his arms into eternity. Amen! I will see you again there, someday.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Giving Thanks
My sister, her husband, the children and I traveled to El Paso, Texas. We arrived Friday afternoon. Rested, refreshed ourselves and we got ready to go visit my father Guillermo.
I had mentioned in the previous post, that I had gotten a call from my aunt, that my father was very ill. He was taken to El Paso, just a week before. He was living in Utah, all by himself. No family.
Once in El Paso, he was taken to a hospital for further evaluation. Doctors confirmed the diagnosis, Cirrhosis of the liver. Very advanced.
He was released from the hospital and taken to my aunt's home. A hospice will be providing visits from a nurse to check him daily.
When we arrived to the house, he was sitting on a wheelchair at the kitchen table. A very old frail man. He spoke very few words. Most of what he said were words we did not understand. He was now very weak. Some days he was very alert and said funny things. Then the last few days he slept all day and only woke up for his medicine.
The family prayed together. We all gathered around his bed and prayed for him. At times he will make the sign of the cross or will say thank you. Sometimes he will lift his hand up and let us hold it.
The night before he died, I could not sleep. The next morning, I woke up by the voice of my sister saying my name. But she was not in the house. My sister has spent the night at my aunt's house to help her with my father that night.
My children were very tired. I let them sleep a little longer. Then at 9:06 AM, I got a call from my sister's husband to come to the house.
I was already walking out to the door when my cousin showed up to take us there. We were just a few blocks away from the house. When we arrived at the house, my kids and I, my son and I walked into the room. My sister and husband were on their knees praying. My father had his eyes closed and his mouth was open. My son began to cry. I was in shock, I did not know what to do or say. I walked over to the bed and touched my father's arm. He still felt warm.
My father had passed on to another place. He was no longer in pain. No longer suffering. The day was November 21, 2012. A day before Thanksgiving day. Due to the holiday, we had to wait till Friday to have the last viewing of his body at a funeral home.
Many of our relatives came. The rosary was led by a Catholic Deacon. Very beautiful words expressed. The Deacon, invited family members to talk briefly on the life of Guillermo.
My aunt Carmen, the youngest of my father's siblings went up to address us.
She spoke of a man that was a stranger to me. A man who was kind and considerate with those who were less fortunate. A man who was funny and made everyone laugh at parties. A man who will be greatly missed by many.
I gave the "thank you" speech at the end of the service. Thanked our family on behalf of my uncle and aunts. Very few words, but with my most sincere respect and appreciation.
I'm sad yet thankful to the Lord for his mercy. He did not allowed my father Guillermo to suffer much. His last days were filled with love and people who cared for him. He was able to see all those he loved. He was able to meet his grandchildren. And be reunited with the daughters he had not seen in 21 years. I believe he is resting in peace now.
Guillermo's life here on earth is over. But his memory will live on with his daughters, grandchildren, nephews and siblings. He leaves behind, one brother, and two sisters.
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